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amazed.

9/19/2013

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by you.

For the past month or so, the song Amazed by Desperation Band has been at the top of my playlist. This is an older song, and I've always liked it, but the Lord has renewed my appreciation for this song.

I can't help but think about how awesome our God is. We should be amazed by the Lord...for many reasons. Look around you. It's getting to be fall right now where I live, and the trees are bursting forth in splendid glory of blazing colors. Each morning, I wake up to the sound of four children laughing and playing. Children are an inheritance of the Lord. He's given me these children to raise to love and follow him, while all the while they daily remind me of the perfect, innocent faith that Jesus says we should all have. I think of the way the kids I work with are discovering new intricacies in their relationship with Christ. I reflect on how so many young people I know have a relationship with Christ that reveals perfect trust and full surrender.

But what really gets me are the lyrics above.

You dance over me, while I am unaware.

God is moving, God is orchestrating his perfect plan for me and my life - and for you and yours. And this orchestration isn't the work of a maniacal puppeteer manipulating people. Instead, it's the brilliant work of a master conductor, taking in every sound, every instrument he has created and tuning them to fit perfectly in his full ensemble. As he works all around, we are totally unaware of how he is perfecting the tune of our lives, perfecting the pieces, perfecting the composition in our lives, so our lives can sing a song of praise right back to him.

It's interesting to read how often scripture tells us to stand in awe of God. We read throughout the Old Testament to stand in awe of God's name, to be in awe of the Lord. Psalms reminds us again and again of the awesome work of the Lord - how awesome is the Lord most high.

In our busy lives, with our jobs, families, school, commitments, technology, twitter, TV and more, we don't often take the time to sit back and reflect on just how awesome the Lord is. We don't give ourselves the calm and quiet to be still and be amazed by the Lord. There is great reason to be amazed by him. As I already shared, look around. Look at the blessings that abound, that we don't even notice ... we are unaware of God dancing. We never hear the sound of God at work. And that's just on the surface.

Because the second part of this song tells why we are amazed: how you love me.

In the beginning God created...and he called it good. He called us good. But we fell into a need for grace when we went against God's perfect plan for us. And still, he loves us. The Old Testament is this beautiful trajectory towards the climax of God's love: Jesus Christ. I'm amazed by you, how you love me. The lyric is how wide, how deep is your love for me. How wide and how deep indeed. Wider and deeper is God's love than the chasm of sin that separated us from him. His love is so deep that he sent his son Jesus to save us from our sin. And in the love revealed on the cross and in the empty tomb, his passion for a relationship with me is so evident. Lord, I'm amazed by you.

Lord, keep dancing around. Keep singing. Continue to orchestrate my life into a symphony that draws me to you, propels me to love you and share your truth with you. Lord, I amazed by you, how you love me.

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blameless, adj.

9/13/2013

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This semester, I am in a course on Transformational Leadership. It's been a powerful course so far, as I have been challenged by what I am reading in my textbooks and scripture.

The focus this week was what a church leader is and is not to be. We read in 1 Timothy 3, Titus 3, and Galatians 5 the expectations of those in leadership. Each of these passages include difficult words for those who desire to lead the church. As my mentor says, as we read scripture, we should first think of what grates us. Well, these passages leave me like a block of cheese on the surface of a grater -- totally shredded.

Let me me clear. I wholly and fully trust the words and expectations of leaders laid out in these passages. They are not included in scripture to just glaze over and take with a grain of salt. Instead, they are commands. They are commands that propel us to personal righteousness (which means to be made holy, which means to be set apart...righteousness is a good thing). They are also words that remind us of the title we carry as "pastor" and what it means. These passages are included because of the many eyes watching and ears listening to what we as leaders are doing. Without an eye and heart tuned to these words, our leadership can slowly fade to gray, until desires of the flesh have pulled us so far from the Spirit, that our work is contrary to the Spirit.(Galatians 5:17)

As I read these passages, I am acutely aware of the noble calling of those who are to lead the church. But the words grate because I realize just how short I fall. All three passages, depending on the translation you read, include the words "blameless." Blameless. An adjective which means innocent of wrong doing. How in the world can I ever, as a fallen human being, be blameless? I am so guilty. So guilty of so many things. I see in myself each of the warnings of these words. Lord, forgive me...I have sinned.

Each day I fail at blamelessness as I fall once again. Each day I wake and pray for God to work mightily in my own heart and life so that I am purified and worthy of what he has called me to. But the "devil just won't let me forget." I find myself feeling unworthy of this call. I find myself focusing on what I have done wrong, where I have messed up and counting all the ways others are counting up my mistakes.

And then I think about the rest of the words of Galatians 5. Galatians lays out what the desires of the flesh are and then reminds us and encourages us in the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self-control. We are reminded that those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the desires of the flesh. We have put them to death. And in putting the earthy desires to death, we live by the Spirit, we keep in step with the Spirit. It is in our living by the Spirit and being in step with the Spirit that we strive towards the goal of blamelessness.

It's interesting the words Paul uses. "Let us keep in step with the Spirit." The words "let us" imply that we need reminding of to whom we belong. We need reminding that we must keep connected to the Lord in our leadership. As soon as we take a baby step away, it leaves a foothold for the desires of the flesh, a foothold for blame, a foothold for the enemy to grab. I think of a rock climbing wall. The foothold need not be big for the enemy to gain great strides. So, let us keep in step with the Spirit!

I know in my work, I get busy. In my home life, with kids' activities, a marriage to nurture, and seminary work, I leave my life wide open to the smallest foothold. But I can strive to live by the spirit, to keep in step with the spirit. Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.

Lord,
I want to be blameless before you. I want to be worthy of this noble calling. Help me, Lord, to keep my eyes ever fixed on you, to remain in step with you. Lord I know without my eyes fixed on you, the battle that rages within me will be tipped in favor of the enemy who longs to devour me. Remind me - daily - of your goodness, your provision, your forgiveness and your love. And sustain me in the times when I do not realize my need is you. Lord God, you are good. Thank you for revealing yourself to me.
Amen

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who are you? who am i?

9/11/2013

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This week, my Old Testament course required reading Exodus from start to finish, all the way through, in one sitting. I've read Exodus many times, but I'm not sure if I had done so start to finish. It is a lot of reading, but it is powerful!

I was also prepping for the first night of a small group I lead. The words of God and Moses in Exodus 3 and 4 seemed to be a perfect start for this group. Praise God for his always timely word - and for the professor who assigned it this week!

Exodus 3 is the "burning bush" passage, where the Lord addresses Moses and calls him to the task of going to Egypt and freeing the Israelites from slavery. When Moses asks the Lord who he should say sent him, the Lord's response is "I AM WHO I AM." The Lord goes on, telling Moses to remind the Israelites that "I AM" is the same God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob...the same God from generation to generation.

In chapter 4, Moses has a big moment of feeling small and inadequate. He asks the question "what if they don't believe me?" He says he isn't eloquent - he doesn't have the words to speak, the words to say. Then he pulls the "please pick someone else."

God responds to each of Moses' concerns. HeI shows Moses what to do if the people don't believe him. He tells Moses he will help him speak and teach him what to say. To Moses' plea of 'send someone else,' God gets frustrated and reiterates that if He has called Moses, there isn't any excuse that will get him off the hook. The Lord will provide, the Lord will make happen what he wants done.

I started to ponder this. Who do I say God is? When God tells Moses that he is the same God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, he is reminding him of the promises made and the promises fulfilled. He is sending Moses to rescue people who have forgotten his promises. Like the Israelites, how often do I forget about my God, the God of promises made, promises kept and promises fulfilled by the death and resurrection of Jesus? Who do I say God is?

The second question is who do I say I am? How often am I like Moses? How often do I feel insufficient? Like nothing? Like not enough? How often do I allow these feelings of inadequacy to prevent God's will and call on my life? I forget all too easily that "I AM" is the same "I AM" who spoke to Moses.The God who said to Moses I will help you, I will provide for you, I will equip you with what you need to do the task I have called you to is the same God, doing the same for me.

Too often in life, we feel inadequate. We feel we aren't enough to do what the Lord wants and need us to do. The question I posed to the small group is "what is God calling you to do, right here...right now? How is he equipping you to do that?" The kids are in high school. Their call is special - to share the message of hope with their friends, their sports teams, in their activities. I know each of them have been been chosen by God to serve in their time and place, in their high school. It's a pretty cool thought. And if we all think about it, and pray about it - the way God is equipping them to is so clear! He is telling them, teaching them, providing for them as they answer his call. How great is our God!?!?!

How is God calling you to share his truth, his message, his hope with a broken, hurting world? In your workplaces, homes, the activities you do, the people you serve, you have been specially called to shine the light of Jesus. He is calling you! He has given you everything you need to go and share! Like he promises Moses in Exodus 4: I will help you. I will teach you. I pray today, you will be reminded of who God is and who you are in him. I pray that you will be renewed in your passion for him and your desire to serve him where you are, fully relying on him to help you answer his call!

Lord God,
Help me to see my value is in you. Help me know that you have chosen me to do your will and your work, despite my feelings of insufficiency. Remind me that you never leave nor forsake those you have called. Guide me as I seek your help and trust your teaching so I can seek you and serve you well, wherever that may be. It is your will, God. I will not be moved, I will not be shaken, for I stand with the great "I AM."
Amen

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The Year Of Silence

9/8/2013

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I began this blog nearly a year ago, with the intention of sharing my Seminary journey, ministry journey and reflections on scripture and my daily experience of God's grace and mercy. Things happen and the blog was put on the back burner. (it's possible the stove was not even in the house) So. What has happened in a year?

My children are a year older.

So are my husband and I!

The hubs and I celebrated another year of marriage. Thank you God, for this marriage and this man!

The baby started walking. Running is probably a better term.

I finished my first year of Seminary.

I was invited to contribute to Bethel's blog, which has been fun and rewarding. (check it out here and here!)

Did I mention I made it through a year of Seminary? :)

I have seen God's awesome work in so many kids I work with.

I went on a mission trip to Arizona with some amazing youth and adults.

I have been reminded of what it means to cling desperately to God's promises.

That last one is important. There were a lot of struggles in the past year. Personal struggles, health struggles, work struggles. People talk about clinging to Christ, but for a long time, my clinging had been a bit more of a pinky swear. I'm ashamed to admit that, but I am grateful for this year-long journey of returning the grasp. I don't believe God gives us struggles "on purpose." But I do think these times can be incredibly rich. I was reminded this year of the one who gives hope when we have none.

So here I am, back to blog again. It's nearing my 10 year anniversary of my Starry Night (check out my testimony). I continue to give thanks to this God that never lets go, never leaves me to walk alone, and reminds me, daily, of his infinite love. I give thanks to him for this year of a reminder that in the midst of the muck, the God I gave my life to 10 years ago continues to fill me with awe! Praise God!

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And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
- Micah 6:8 (NIV)

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Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!”
- John 11:35 - 36 (NLT)

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
- 2 Corinthians 3:12 (NIV)

amazed.

blameless, adj.

who are you? who am i?

The Year Of Silence

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